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Folks, I am here to tell you that Three Dog Night got it all wrong. I know, they sang, 'Eli's comin', Eli's comin' (Eli's a-comin'), Well you better hide your heart, your loving heart, Eli's a-comin' and the cards say... a broken heart....' Might have happened somewhere - but not with This Eli. I don't break hearts. I melt hearts. I even mend hearts. That's the kind of Eli I am - a warm, loving, forever loyal Eli.
I've been out and about, and I've studied the world. I have learned that the very most important thing is Love - just pure People Love to pure Cat Love. Makes the world go around. And it's all that does. Just reach out and touch this mellow buff fellow. Rub my pretty darn wise head. I like that! I like more! Yes, my left ear had more adventures than it should have had, but I can hear you whisper sweet nothings to me just fine. Right now I am just so, so, so happy because I am going to go home - to my home - with my people - you! You are my people, aren't you?
I promise - you will be as happy to be my People as I am to be your Cat. I am buff, big, and just all warm and adorable. I like to just lie here, all sacked out and relaxed, and look at you with my very yellow eyes and sigh, 'I am so happy....I am going to have a real home. And I already have real crunchies in my very own bowl. Wow and meow!'
I know the original Eli was a judge. I know he raised up a prophet named Samuel. Now I do study things. And I do talk a bit. But I'm much too peaceable and agreeable to judge anybody. I might teach a little, but I don't preach. I just melt hearts, eat crunchies, enjoy the sounds and sights of spring, relax, and love my people.
This Eli is comin' - but he's comin' to sit in your lap, at your feet, and love you. If your heart has cracks in it, don't worry. This Eli knows how to mend them. How about you be a-comin' with $100 to cover my room and board? How about I make you at least as happy as you make me? Just about the simplest idea ever - you have This Eli's word on that.
PS: I currently reside at THE